I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
