She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
