found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you had me at cake vodka
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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