please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont even know how to be here
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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