You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
