you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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