It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
