How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize