Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize