my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
