If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
