nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
