apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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