slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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