he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
