Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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