Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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