Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
