This is not my ceiling
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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