Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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