Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
