Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
