I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
