Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
