Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
