32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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