So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
