i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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