call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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