His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
