I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
