I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
