omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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