oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
