Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
