don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
