i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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