If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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