if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
