To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
