Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
