it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at about main and main street
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
