What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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