We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
