Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
