trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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