you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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