dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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