Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
