I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
