I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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