My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
