if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
