I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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