he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
