i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
