This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
