Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
