Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
