i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
