I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
