omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
