Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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